Inga Markham MMFT, RPN, RMFT, RCC

It is in our relationships with our more intimate partners, that we are the most emotionally vulnerable and the most emotionally protected. Yet this is the one relationship that has the potential for us to feel truly connected, joyful and safe.

Our culture has led us to believe that we are somehow not whole; that we must find that one perfect person who will meet all our needs and make us happy. We are told to accommodate our partners, learn to communicate and empathize, be kind and supportive and all will go well. That love will be enough!

This belief is simplistic and many couples struggle to understand what has gone wrong in their relationships when they are not experiencing the intimacy, joy and happiness that they crave and once thought they had.

It is at this stage that you may begin to think one of the following:That it is your partner’s fault that all is not going well – that your partner needs to change. That there is something wrong with you and that you are the one that needs to change - perhaps things would improve if you just worked harder, gave of yourself more etc. You may even give up altogether on trying to make your relationships work and begin to distance yourself from their partner.Some decide to just leave the relationship entirely, only to repeat the pattern of relating with the next partner.

The Internal Family System Model Couples Therapy offers a unique opportunity for couples to become more self-aware; to explore the root causes of ineffective behaviour patterns and begin the journey to what Dr. Richard Schwartz calls “courageous love”.

Courageous love exists when we are able to accept our partners just the way they are. We will no longer need them to be our ‘protector’, our ‘ego booster’, our ‘parent’ or our ‘savior’.
When our partner feels accepted for who he or she is, there is a felt sense of freedom. They will no longer need to hide or protect themselves and this allows them to keep their hearts open to us.

In the therapy room, as a client, you will be guided to look inward to connect with your own healing resources and explore your perceptions. It will be from this calmer place that you and your partner can talk and be heard, and negotiate for what you both need in the relationship.

This is a journey for those who want to feel truly empowered and joyful
within themselves and in their relationships

More Couple Therapy information:

    1. http://www.selfleadership.org/couples-marriage- counseling.html  - Toni Herbine Blank

   2. http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/couples-therapy-2/.